Recently, their has been a spate of articles on cheating; but they have focused on women doing the cheating, more specifically married women cheating. I'm not saying that this is a startling new revelation; people have been cheating since the dawn of time, and I'm not saying that men cheating is any less offensive, but it seems just as many women as men are cheating, but they don't want to leave their marriages and in all other aspects then the bedroom, are happy.
The articles have exposed that these women don't want to leave their husbands, they often still love them, they just want that side of wedges as well. Women have always been depicted as the more sensible and caring of the species, but these articles have shone a light on a new breed of woman: they want their cake and eat it too, and they often don't care for the other woman or their husbands. According to the article that appeared in Cleo's January issue "High Infidelity", relationship expert Susan De Campo says that many women justify their affairs by blaming the wives, believing that they're filling a void in that person's life and vice versa. One woman told Cleo: "I don't really feel sorry for his partner, I don't think she gives him what he needs. But I keep it separate in my mind anyway."
For these women, their affairs are getting the fun stuff they want from a relationship, without the boring everyday stuff. These women are getting hot sex, presents and ego boosts and then going home to their husbands. But for all the ego stroking and mind blowing orgasms, it it worth the time and effort? One woman in an article in The Age recently divulged that she had two phones; one for everyone including her husband and one for her lover, which she pulled apart and put together every time to text and ring to organise hook ups. Another woman has a special program on her computer that wipes the memory as soon as she turns it off, a rather expensive but necessary tool for her infidelity.
To these women, cheating is a way to keep themselves and their families happy; they don't want divorce and see this as a way to maintain the marriage; but is it unhealthy or could this be the way of the modern marriage? Is it downright unacceptable and these women should be burned at the stake? Or would this be acceptable if both parties knew about it and both could cheat? A new film coming out called "Hall Pass" addresses this issue when the wives and husbands give each other a hall pass (ie free pass) for one week to be with someone other then their partners. It will be interesting to see how this works; will each couple see the light and see that their partner is really the one for them, or will it wreck havoc and just point out the flaws in their marriage?
Are women better cheaters (ie smarter about it and therefor have been doing this for years without getting caught) or is it a "I deserve better then this" 2000s mentality?
As always, I would love to hear your thoughts.
PS: I would like to add that I am totally biased about cheating and I don't condone it, but I was fascinated by these women and their ability to not feel guilty.
Like most other things in a spoilt western world life, people are too focused on what they don't have (or at least the perception of what they don't have) to appreciate what they do have; this includes a relative peacetime nation, clean hospitals, running water, shopping malls to give us infinite choices of stuff we don't need; a buy now pay later, supersize me, throw away society that is in danger of becoming handicapped with the ignorant belief of "Why bother fixing it when we can just get a new one". What has this to do with the above post? Everything. People go into relationships these days with the same way they go to one of the never ending stream of "Must end Sunday" sales - "Sure, if I'm not happy with what I've got I'll just change it, get another, ditch it or just leave it lying around." It's human nature to become complacent with things, hence, Familiarity breeds contempt; we become used to something and forget why we had it in our lives to begin with. But the reality is, relationships are sometimes easy and just as often difficult. You just have to work at it and that's the easy part if you know how. Paul Newman did. Just remember how you felt with that first kiss, that romantic walk, those first conversations of discovering each other and those thousand other wee things that made you fall in love to begin with- then the attraction to the other person will be right there in front of you as it always had been; it just got misted over with all the small insignificant everyday issues of life. As for, "Oh, I need to secretly shack up with someone else to make my family work," well if your spouse and your children don't know about it then it's clearly not a thing on their part that helps them get through the day; it's the person doing the cheating that needs it to survive the family which means they are not addressing an underlying issue. "I smoke so I can survive my daily job." No you smoke as a vice probably because you are unhappy in your job. "I go out and gamble my family's allowance because I enjoy it". No that's a vice too. "Oh, I screw other people..." You get my drift. As for the good Mr Newman, well he knew something a lot of us too easily forget- You want to live with someone and do the daily grind? Then get a housemate; but if you want a partner to share a romantic and fun lifelong ride with, then say the wee romantic things on your mind every day, do the breakfast in bed and surprise flowers; in short, stay home for Steak because fastfood will only clog up your heart and eventually, be the spiritual death of you.
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